semaon+kidane

2. Topic: Fear is one of the dominant themes of the chrysalids.


 * Thesis: In the chrysalids religion is used to install fear in the people of waknuk. good observation, but so what. A thesis should be debatable. read your thesis and ask yourself "so what?". Find an answer and you'll be set **

Good points 5. First Draft of my Essay
 * 4. 1st point: __Religion is about fear and loyalty towards a greater power__**
 * Without fear there would be no religion because people would not care to listen and try so hard to be good Christians.
 * To live in waknuk you have to be part of the church or support it or you will be looked down on or even kicked out.
 * 2 point: __people are whipped, killed or sold__ __for religious purposes__**
 * Women get whipped for having "deviated" children.
 * People forced to live different lives because of something as simple as a birth mark.
 * 3rd point: __Kids have to watch thier mouth for the risk of getting beat__**
 * David gets beat for saying he wished he had a third arm so he can tie a knot. **'I could have managed it all right by myself if I'd had another hand,** **My mother froze. I looked round the room at the sudden quiet. Mary, standing with a pie in her hands, two of the farm men waiting for their meal, my father about to take his seat at the head of the table, and the others; they were all staring at me. I caught my father's expression just as it was turning from amazement to anger. Alarmed, but uncomprehending, I watched his mouth tighten, his jaw come forward, his brows press together over his still incredulous eyes. He demanded: 'What was that you said, boy?'** ' **I -- I s-aid I couldn't manage to tie this for myself,' I told him.**

Intro: Fear is something that people *(reword this. Don't use "I", or "we",) ﻿ can’t control, it is something that just comes to people and gets your heart pumping. Nobody likes fear because it holds people back and keeps people from speaking their mind, it makes you live in a shadow, in the dark. In the chrysalids fear was is a daily thing for the people of waknuk. Fear comes to people in places where you should smile instead of having your head down, or places where you should feel safe or at peace, for example a church You need to put a question mark after rhetorical questions. In waknuk religion causes alot of fear among people It does? What are you trying to say here? , in religion you should fear God not his followers, god should be the one to punish and judge because thier time will come. Waknuk is a religious town and people get treated differently or treat people different because of the bible being misinterpreted and being used as an excuse to run and control people’s lives very long sentence, consider revising. In the Chrysalids religion is used to install fear in the people of waknuk.

Body 1: __**Religion is about fear and loyalty towards a greater power.**__

Religion is just Be more confident about your arguement. don't use words like about fear and loyalty towards a greater power. Religion is a big thing that people follow unconditionally; it is something that people don’t ask questions because it’s a sin to doubt, because doubting is a sign of weakness of loyalty. People who believe in god and go to church do it because they believe in it and worship God. For Christians the biggest fear is not being allowed into the gates heaven and being sent to hell, that is the main fear of a Christian and if that fear is gone then they would probably not be Christians. In Christianity god is feared for his for power and strength and he could take your life with the snap of his fingers, people are supposed to be scared of him and not the people who worship him. The biggest fear in wkanuk is the people rather than god, an example from the Chrysalids is that Sophie was in hiding all of her life and had a terrible life because of the people of Waknuk not God. The people of Waknuk focus on the fear of others rather than god and they look so hard for imperfections but really god made everyone in the image of him.

body 2: __**people are whipped, killed and sold religous purposes**__

People are whipped killed and sold for religious purposes. Waknuk is a very religious town and they are faithful Christians and they love and worship and think that they are doing right by god. No religion should cause suffering but that’s what they are doing. In this novel the people of Waknuk are making people s lives miserable by trying to follow Nicholson’s repentances but what they don’t know is that they are sinning trying to play the role of god, they are banishing people from Waknuk for something as small as birth mark that is not even visible without a close look, they are killing baby’s. In Christianity you are supposed to love and worship and accept everyone but in Waknuk they are doing the complete opposite and they ruing peoples lives beyond imagine. They say follow religion and that’s why they do all that horrible stuff but they are just installing fear in people for nothing because they are misinterpreting the book that they use wrong and by doing that they are sinning and ruining the lives of the people around them.

6. Peer Comments - Group Members jasper: tian: maddy:

jasper - Introduction Paragraph jasper 1. Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? 2. How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?

tian - Body Paragraphs 1. How well are the quotations integrated and analyzed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? 2. How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?

maddy - Concluding Paragraph 1. Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3. How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay? 7. Good Copy in MLA formats