Cameron+So

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 * Name: Cameron So**
 * Topic:** Religion is an important part of the lives of the people of Waknuk, but it is abused and manipulated in very nonreligious ways.

- What is something that is non religious? An action or actions that oppose the religion ( Christianity ). - Good references are to use scriptures from the bible itself, to find the values of a Christian or Christianity. - Find actions that Waknuk did that do not follow the scriptures of the bible.
 * Brainstorming Worksheet:**


 * Three Points:** Love is the strongest commandment, being hypocrites - producing deviants, being dwelled in the word of God only

Bible Verses - (New International Version)
 * Mark 12:30-31** - Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these.'
 * 1 Corinthians 13:4** - 'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.'
 * Matthew 7:5 -** 'You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.'
 * Colossians 3:1-17 -** 'Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in the knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of the Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
 * Matthew 5:21 -** You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgement.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca', is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still wit him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown in prison. I tell you the truth, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."
 * Matthew 5:43 -** "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy'. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
 * John 7:24 -** Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgement.
 * Non-Religious Acts:**

Joseph Strom - Derived Aunt Harriet from Waknuk because of her child's //birth defects.// Page 68-74 Joseph Strom -


 * Page 40 in the Chrysalids shows that the people of Waknuk do read the Bible and were aware of it.**


 * Essay Outline:**


 * Introduction:**

A Christian bases his or her beliefs from the books of the Bible, such as the book of Matthew and 1 Corinthians. However in society, the bible is viewed differently and is neglected upon by many individuals and those who claim to be followers of Christ (Isn't a follower of Christ, a Christian? Second sentence may contradict with what's being stated in the first . In which because these scriptures are ignored, ( reword, consider: Since these scriptures are ignored, the societies of today's world practice customs that challenge God's request for righteousness. or something else different) socities have performed practices that opposes God's request for righteousnesses. In the novel Chrysalids, John Wyndham demonstrates the relation between the western society and Waknuk through their actions and beliefs ( values). Although the values of Waknuk are structured upon religion, the people discriminate others in ways that opposes their religion. Therefore resulting in contradiction of their own morals despite many admonishes from the Bible. April 3rd: Intro needs editing: phrasing and wording are off
 * Draft #1:**

Thirty-three percent of the world's population is Christian, leading the majority of religious people. A Christian would base his or her beliefs from the books of the Bible, such as the book of Matthew and 1 Corinthians. However in society, the Bible is viewed differently and is neglected upon by many individuals and those who claim to be followers of Christ. Since these scriptures are ignored, the societies of today's world practice customs that challenges God's request for righteousness. In the novel Chrysalids, John Wyndham demonstrates the relation between the western society and Waknuk through their actions and beliefs. Although the values of Waknuk are structured upon religion, the people discriminate others in ways that opposes their religion. Therefore resulting in contradiction of their own morals despite many admonishes from the Bible. Don't start thesis with therefore. Never mind it is not you thesis. YOU NEED A THESIS AT THE END!
 * Draft #2:**


 * Draft #3:**
 * Thirty-three percent of the world's population is Christian, leading the majority of religious people. A Christian would base his or her beliefs( try something upon the lines of: __Christians__ base __their__ beliefs from the books of the Bible, such as the book of Matthew and 1 Corinthians. However in society, the Bible is viewed differently and is neglected upon by many individuals and t hose who claim to be followers of Christ (still quite confusing. If I don't understand, I don't think Mr. A will as well. Find a way to express the word "claim" or reword the sentence . Since these scriptures are ignored, the societies of today's world practice customs that challenges God's request for righteousness. In the novel Chrysalids, John Wyndham demonstrates the relation between the western society and Waknuk through their actions and beliefs. Waknuk contradicts their own morals despite many admonishes (admonition or admonishments) from the Bible. Their values are structured upon religion, however the people discriminate others in ways that opposes their religion. **
 * Not too much change, but good argument. Can be written MORE CLEARLY however, I find myself having to go through the dictionary constantly since some words do not belong. **

Thirty-three percent of the World's population is Christian, leading the majority of religious people. Christians base their belifs from the books of the Bible, such as the book of Matthew and 1 Corinthians. However in society, the Bible is viewed differently by each individual, and it is often neglected by many who claim to be followers of Christ. Since these scriptures are ignored, the societies of today's world practice customs that challenges God's request for righteousness. In the novel Chrysalids, John Wyndham demonstrates the relation between the western society and Waknuk through their actions and beliefs. Waknuk contradicts their own morals despite many admonishments from the Bible. Their values are strucutred upon religion, however the people discriminate others in ways that opposes their religion.
 * Draft #4:**


 * Body Paragraph 1: Love is the strongest commandment**

The Bible is the foundation of Waknuk's religious values, however the strongest and greatest concepts are ignored. (The strongest, greatest concepts of what? Clairify more) David being the son of a legalistic preacher never received any respect from his father. His father beat him with a whip after the discovery of Sophie's mutation. Yet in the book of Mark, Jesus preaches two significant commandments, one being: " Love your neighbor as yourself" (Mark 12:31). Such a man who reads the Bible and alleges himself to be a follower of God, unruly overlooks the scriptures of the Bible and proposes such opposing favour. What does that mean?? Love as you would love yourself. Love what ? The poor boy David Use a better adjective other then poor had never received a single compliment from his father. This is shown when he did not know how to respond to one from Mrs. Wender (page 12) Show complement not just the page number. Not a single individual in the town of Waknuk shows sympathy and love to one another. Not to one an other, cut that out. Simple mutual respect is placed behind the favour of laws, creating discrimination and foretelling a series of unfortunate events such as death. Good Love is the strongest commandment in the Bible and is not given acknowledgement by the people of Waknuk creating problems for everyone.
 * Draft #1:**

The Bible is the foundation of Waknuk's religious values, however its (the) strongest and greatest commandments are ignored. David being the son of a legalistic preacher never received any respect from his father. The novel illustrates this when David receives a compliment from Mrs. Wender, "I felt awkward, and looked at my shoes. I couldn't remember anyone saying before that I was a good boy. I knew no form of response designed to meet such an event". This indicates that David had never received a single compliment or positive remarks from his family before, including his father. Including his father is unnecessary Yet in the book of Mark, Jesus preaches two significant commandments, one being: "Love your neighbour as yourself" (Mark 12:31). Don't start sentence with yet Joseph Strom, a man who reads the Bible and alleges himself to be a servant of God, unruly over looks the scriptures of the Bible and performs opposing commotion to God. Sentence still sounds strange. Try breaking it in two. Not a single individual in the town of Waknuk demonstrates sympathy or love. Mutual respect is placed behind the favour of laws, creating discrimination and foretelling a series of unfortunate events such as death. Good love is the strongest commandment in the Bible and is not given acknowledgement by the people of Waknuk, creating dispute for everyone.
 * Draft #2:**


 * Draft #3:**

The Bible is the foundation of Waknuk's religious values, however its strongest and greatest commandments are ignored. David being the son of a legalistic preacher never received any respect from his father. The novel illustrates this when David receives a compliment from Mrs. Wender, "I felt awkward, and looked at my shoes. I couldn't remember anyone saying before that I was a good boy. I knew no form of response designed to meet such an event". This indicates that David had never received a single compliment or positive remarks from his family. In the book of Mark, Jesus preaches two significant commandments, one being: "Love your neighbour as yourself" (Mark 12:31). Joseph Strom is a reader of the Bible and alleges himself to be a servant of God. However he unruly over looks the scriptures of the Bible and performs opposing commotion to God. Not a single individual in the town of Waknuk demonstrates sympathy or love. Mutual respect is placed behind the favour of laws, creating discrimination and foretelling a series of unfortunate events such as death. Good love is the strongest commandment in the Bible and is not given acknowledgement by the people of Waknuk, creating dispute for everyone.


 * Body Paragraph 2: Hypocrisy - Another Teaching**

The town of Waknuk entitles their society to be a sanctuary of God's work and perfection, (where exclusion of mutants are immense.) Last part sounds a bit strange. Try where the exclusion of mutants is immense/common/interminable. Even the slightest mutation would mark/label that human a deviant. (on a human would consider him or her a deviant.) Deviants that are revealed as deviants are deported or executed -- like Aunt Harriet's baby -- to the Fringes, a place that is desolated and lacks fertile growth. Run on sentence, the death of Harriets baby is not necessary. However amidst Waknuk, mutants with no visable deviations such as David and Rosalind are accepted because of blind judgement. In the book of Matthew, Jesus states the following: "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5). This passage indicates that we must first fix our own problems before fixing those around us. then act accordingly (in accordance) to those around us. While Joseph Strom is deporting deviants away from Waknuk, he and the other townspeople are producing deviants at the same time. This completely contradicts Waknuk's values and the laws they attempt to uphold. Waknuk's actions evidently concludes in hypocrisy and intolerance which are actions that opposes the Bible. I am not sure that is considered hypocrisy since they were unaware they were producing deviants. There is no quote in this paragraph from the novel. I don't know if it is required since you included something from the book of matthew. Try for a quote from the novel.
 * Draft #1:**

The town of Waknuk entitles their society to be a sanctuary of God's work and perfection, where the exclusion of mutants is immense. (Not sure what you mean Katrina). The slightest mutation on a human would label him or her a deviant. Deviants that are revealed as deviants are deported, tortured, or executed to the Fringes, a place that is desolated and lacks fertile growth. This is confirmed when Sally announces news about Katherine: "They've broken her ... Oh, Katherine, dear ... you mustn't blame her, any of you. Please, please don't blame her. They're torturing her". However admist Waknuk, mutants with no visible mutations such as David and Rosalind are accepted because of blind judgement. In the book of Matthew, Jesus states the following: "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5). This passage indicates that we must first fix our own problems before resolving those around us the act accordingly to those around us. While Joseph Strom is deporting deviants away from Waknuk, he and the other townspeople are producing deviants at the same time. This completely contradicts Waknuk's values and the laws they attempt to uphold. Waknuk's actions evidently concludes their hypocrisy and intolerance which are actions that opposes the Bible.
 * Draft #2:**


 * Body Paragraph 3: Appearances**

The definition of man is discussed frequently (numerously) throughout the novel Chrysalids. Waknuk reacts to the topic very seriously that even jokes concerning physical appearance are not tolerated. This is proven when Joseph Strom lectures his son when he makes a remark about having a third hand. You can not start a sentence with a quote you must lead into it. After David wished himself a third hand Joseph stated " ... you deliberately wished yourself a Mutant. That is a terrible thing, an outrageous thing. You, my son, committing blasphemy, and before his parents," Joseph projects Get rid of Joseph projects (Page 27). The law stating that no deviants are permitted in Waknuk is of arduous matter. However, Jesus teaches in the book of John to "Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgement" (John 7:24). Jesus's teaching is straight forward and to the point. It indicates that Christians should not judge others by looks but rather by __right judgement__ ( To be explained soon ). Despite this calling, many people were still sent away to the Fringes from Waknuk because of their looks including Joseph Strom's brother Gordon. The fact about his brother is unnecessary The ir society is based on Christian sources however (, but) the people do not live up to the expectations of theBible (Bible's expectations.) Thus denouncing themselves in the true eyes of the Lord. Don't start the concluding sentence with thus. Last sentence is in need of strenghtening.
 * Draft #1:**

The definition of man is discussed frequently throughout the novel Chrysalids. Waknuk reacts to the topic very seriously that even jokes concerning physical appearance are not tolerated. This is proven after David wishes himself a third hand: " ... you deliberately wished yourself a Mutant. That is a terrible thing, an outrageous thing. You, my son, committing blasphemy, and before his parents," Joseph lectures. The law that states no deviants are permitted in Waknuk is of arduous matter. However, Jesus teaches in the book of John to "Stop judging by mere appearnaces, and make a right judgement" (John 7:24). Jesus's teaching is straight forward and to the point. It indicates that Christians should not judge others by looks but rather by right judgement. Right judgement refers to the phrase: Do not judge a book by its cover. This means that we must not adjudicate others by the body but rather character and faithfulness. Despite this calling, many people were still sent away to the Fringes from Waknuk because of their physical appearance. God seeks judgement by spiritual faith and heart, not appearance.
 * Draft #2:**

One may argue that Waknuk was not informed about the many important scriptures in the Bible, or that the society possibly did not read the Bible. The people of Waknuk did read the Bible and understood the stories written in it. This is implied when David talks about the Tribulation: "Such penances had been sent before: the expulsion from Eden, the Flood, pestilences, the destruction of the Cities of the Plain, the Captivity". This excerpt expresses proof that Waknuk comprehended the Bible. However they did not act in correspondence to the God's intentions. Many lives were lost, torn apart, and abandoned simply because the people of Waknuk refused to follow God's words. To love is the strongest commandment in the Bible and is a basic morale in society, yet Waknuk failed to demonstrate it. Their hypocrisy lead the community to their own death. For it is written: "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord". Furthermore, It was most frustrating to find that despite Jesus himself stated not to judge by appearance, Waknuk's laws prosecute others by physical appearances. The community of Waknuk claims to be followers of Christ yet purposely commit discriminating actions that go against God's words. For it is written: “But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin”. And the society was disregarded from life. do **not** end a paragraph with a quotation. Introduce the quotation as support for a claim/statement/assertion or theme, and then follow the quotation with some **analysis**. ( please refer to the additional support pages for extra help on quotations)
 * Conclusion**


 * Thesis:** The values of Waknuk are structured upon Christianity, however, the people discriminate others in ways that opposes their religion. (good thesis)


 * First Draft of your Essay:**


 * Peer Comments & Group Members:**

Please mark any edits with the colour you have been assigned with. Thanks!

. . Katrina Cirone . . Matthew Chun . . Xiang Li

Introduction Paragraph 1. Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? -Good thesis, straightforward. Wording can make reading easier. Attention grabber could be used 2. How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay? -Argument can be more clear -Good idea on similarities between waknuk and today -Confusing/hard to follow: Waknuk's just misinformed in religion, while today's societies may actually go against religions??

Body Paragraph 1. How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? Expand more on your quote. Good introduction of quote. No quote from the book in the second paragraph. Both quotes are from the beginning of the book however they are good quotes. 2. How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay? Argument is good throughout the essay, however it needs to be expanded more.

Conclusion Paragraph 1. Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3. How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?


 * Good Copy in MLA format:**