colin

= = 1.Your name

colin

2. An Approved Topic

Topic: Discuss the significance of the title //The Chrysalids.//

Thesis: In (the book) //the Chrysalids//, the story symbolizes the life stages of a butterfly. Revised thesis: In //The Chrysalids,// the title symbolizes the life stages of a butterfly.

3. Brainstorming Worksheet

__Point 1:__ The civilization of the "old people," would be the stage of the "old butterfly," before it died. I say that this is the stage of the old butterfly because first of all, the old people is refferd to us (by "us," i mean Canada, Usa, the UK, etc.), and our society is quite developed. Second, a butterfly would be mature ( This doesn't make sense. Can you be more specific about how the old people relate to a matured butterfly? I kind of get what you mean but you should phrase it better. Finish your point also. I don't really get where it's going . The old people represent the dead butterfly parents who " gave birth" to the new caterpillars- Catherine)

The Event of tribulation occurs, which could repersent that the old butterfly died, but it layed and egg, and the egg turned into larva in time..... trasition from Old People to Waknuk

Point 2: The town of Waknuk would be the the stage of the larva/ Caterpillar. I say that this is the stage of the larva, becuase a larva would be compeltely new, and

none of this makes sense Colin! Caterpillars change into butterflies, but you have it the other way around

First there were the old people. they would symbolize the stage of an old butterfly

Then tribulation happens. This event would represent the stage where the old butterfly died, and layed an egg.

Then there was Waknuk would represent the stage of the larva/Caterpillar.

Then there is the Selanders, which would represent the stage of a cocoon.

=__Old people-Developed (the old butterfly)__=

They had superior weapons: The event tribulation caused the world to be almost totally destroyed, and most of the survivors were turned into mutants. A weapon like this would be some kind of nuclear weapon, because only a weapon like that could bring a "end" to the world. Nuclear weapon=superior weapons.

The could built cities in "unimaginable places" (thought the people of Waknuk): "They used to build cities that floated on the sea" (pg 62)

They had superior technology: "any one of them could speak to any other, even hundred of miles away." (pg62-63)

=__Waknuk-undeveloped (the caterpillar/larva)__=

They don't have good technology: Their farming tools were very basic, everyone used horses and/or used human labour to farm. "There wasn't another steam-engine within a hundred miles." (pg.24) this shows that there was only one "advanced" farming tool in a far far away distance, which shows that people here didn't have good tech.

Their living conditions isn't so good: As the "ruler" in Waknuk, one would expect to have the best living conditions, but if we compared this to modern society, the Strorms living conditions isn't so good. "Our house is not easy to describe... By now, it ramed off on one side into stock-sheds, stores stables and barns, and on the other into wash-houses, daires, cheese-rooms farm-hands, and so on until it three-quarters enclosed a large, beaten earth

Their armory (of weapons) aren't so good: They people of Waknuk had some guns in case of an emergency, but normally, their weapons would be bows and arrows, and maybe knives, just like the fringes people. "Our men were better armed too. quite a lot of the had guns. whereas the fringes people had only a few that they had stolen, and depended chiefly on bows, knives and spears." (pg. 33)

=__Sealanders-developing (the Chrysalis)__=

They had good weapons, better than Waknuk, not as good as the "Old People": The Sealanders have a weapon which was like a thread, and contraccts as soon as it was dry and kills everything caught in it. "..."

They had better technology: While waknuk people uses ships to travel across the ocean, the sealanders uses a helicopter."Above it, as if through a veil, i could make out on of the strange fish shaped craft that i had dreamt in my childhood, hanging in the sky."

They are in the chrysalis stage, where their future is yet to be determined: they aren't stable of their future, it is yet to be determined. "we are able to think-together, and understand one another as they never could; we are **beginning** to understand how to assemble and apply the composite team mind to a problem." (pg. )

=INTRO:= Evolution is inevitable for anyone, or anything. In Wyndham’s novel, __The Chrysalids,__ he explains the transition of time, and its effect on the three different civilizations. The “Old People,” Waknuk, and the Sealanders, are different in technology, weaponry, and welfare. With this, John Wyndham can develop a theme of the story that symbolizes the life stages of a butterfly. Elaborate more after the first sentence. The part you were supposed to lead into the book Chrysalids is too short.

=Revised intro:= Evolution is inevitable for anyone or anything. ( CAPITAL!!!) no matter what, everything is bound to change in one way or another. (CAPITAL!!!) a butterfly would start off with the process from an egg to a larva, (proceeds to) then a chrysalis, and finally into a butterfly. just like ( Change it to: Similar to the three stages of ) a butterfly, all of the civilizations in __the Chrysalids__ evolve. From the Old people, to Waknuk, and finally the Sealanders. They are differnt in technology, weaponary, and welfare. With this ( idea), John Wyndham can develop a theme of the story that symbolizes the life stages of a butterfly. ( You jumped around too much. I don't understand how it relates to the previous things you said)

This paragraph needs better wording. Use more varieties of vocabulary, and don't make careless mistakes. You are not grouping your thoughts properly, and are jumping from one idea to another.

=Body 1:= The civilization of the “Old People” can be referred to the stage of the “Old Butterfly,” (Doesn't sound right. Parents, maybe?) because they were fully developed. Their technology was far superior than the others.( The others? Who exactly) For example, one could communicate with others from far away. “any one of them could speak to any other, even hundreds of miles away.” (pg. 62-63). Their technology expands to the types of cities that they could make. “They used to build cities that floated on the sea.” This shows that they could build cities in amzaing places such as cities that were on the sea.( Not related) Along with their expanded technology, their weapons came with it. Since tribulation was brought down all around the world, a weapon like that would be tremendously advanced. There probably wasn't one of those weapons, but more than one.( Needs better wording! There was more than just one type of weapons.) With this, we can assume that the civilization of the old people can be referred to the stage of the “Old Butterfly,” because with their advanced technology. ( Point repeated) SERIOUSLY REMEMBER TO CAPITALIZE WORDS AND CHECK YOUR SPELLING. IT'S ELEMENTARY MISTAKES. TOO MANY TO FIX, SO FIX THEM NOW I get your main idea, but please group your thoughts better. Sentences aren't exactly connecting, and the vocabularies you used are somewhat elementary. Try using better words. = Body 2: = As a butterfly dies ( Use when), an heir takes its place, ( The following sentence needs better wording. The structure isn't 100% correct) and so does the civilization of the “Old People,” to the city of Waknuk, which would represent the stage of the larva. A larva wouldn’t be developed at all, just like this city, in technology, weaponry and welfare. The city of Waknuk only used human labour, and animals to help them to farm. “There wasn’t another steam-engine within a hundred miles.” (pg. 24) With this, it tells us that the only advanced machine they had was a steam-engine, but there was only one in the whole city. As bad as their technology could get, their weapons weren’t good as well. The people relied on guns sometimes; however, they normally used bows and arrows, spears and knives. “our men were better armed too quite a lot of them had guns, whereas the Fringes people had only a few that they had stolen, and depended chiefly on bows knives and spears.”(pg. 33). Even though it refers that the "Fringes" people cheifly used bows and arrows, and spears, the people of Waknuk, used guns in case of an emergency. As well as their bad technology, their living conditions weren’t good: Our house is not easy to describe. . . By now, it rammed off on one side into stock-sheds, stores, stables and barns, and on the other into wash-houses, dairies, cheese-rooms, farm-hands rooms, and so on until it three-quarters enclosed a large, beaten-earth yard which lay leeward of the main house and had a midden for its central feature. (pg. 15) Now, since that everything in Waknuk, is so old fashion,( This kind of expression should not be used in formal essay writing) we could suggest that this could be related to the stage the larva.( Too brief, elaborate more!) Again, I can see where you are going with your point. You just need to elaborate it more, because readers can't seem to connect between your explanations. It's also too brief.

=﻿Body 3:= As the larva develops into the stage of the chrysalis, so does the city of Waknuk, to the civilizations of the Sealanders. The technology are lik

4. Essay Outline 5. First Draft of your Essay

6. Peer Comments Person 1 - Introduction Paragraph 1.Does the introduction paragraph grab your attention? Does it anticipates an insightful thesis? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay? The general idea is there, but it makes it difficult for readers to understand due to the amount of grammatical errors. Word it better to make your sentences flow. It's almost there, but it needs a lot more than what you have right now.

Person 2 - Body Paragraphs 1.How well are the quotations integrated and analysed? Have they been chosen with care and taken from a variety of chapters? 2.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?

Person 3 - Concluding Paragraph 1.Does the conclusion include a reworded thesis, summary. 2. Does the conclusion have a memorable ending? 3.How strong is the development of the argument for the whole essay?

- Group Member: Catherine Gong

7. Good Copy in MLA format